Rhy'a's Adventures in the Old Republic
by Talisman Casedine
Summary: Any "adventure" that starts with a crash landing is bound to be exciting.  A character journal chronicling the adventures seen in "Knights of the Old Republic".
1. Chapter 1: Taris

[1]  
>So, here we are on Taris. Standard backwater, grinding poverty underneath riches, the usual. This guy named Carth is here with me, and we have to look for this Bastila chick. It appears the planning is left up to me. Time to run around aimlessly and hope genius strikes.<p>

[2]  
>Seriously, who authorized those Sith uniforms? Metallic and black? The defense is shoddy, and they look like castoffs from a terrible Coruscanti drama. I figured Malak would have better taste.<p>

[3]  
>Carth certainly does have a <em>lot<em> of feelings, doesn't he? Every two seconds, he's sitting here exuding this "I don't want you to talk to me but actually I kind of do" aura, and he looks like such a mad mean puppy that I have to talk to him. He's nice enough, I suppose, and he's been useful so far. Maybe under that faux-gruff exterior, he's actually fun.

[4]  
>Mission is ... incredibly chipper. And very young. And very prickly if you insinuate she might need help. She reminds me of someone, though I can't place who. Her Wookiee, Zaalbar, is the standard Silent Wookiee type. I got a lifedebt out of it; not really sure what to make of <em>that<em> yet.

[5]  
>Let's see. Took out a gang. Am a racing champion. Rescued possibly the most uptight Jedi ever (and that's saying something, from what I've heard). I like mentioning how I rescued her, because it flusters her so much. Carth even got in digs about how she lost her lightsaber; I didn't know he had it in him. He was so pleased with himself; it was pretty adorable.<p>

[6]  
>On the Ebon Hawk, the ship that that Mandalorian, Canderous Ordo, hooked up with us to steal. Can I just say that Canderous's ass looks <em>damn<em> good in those pants of his? And there's the way he struts around with his blaster, too. I ruined four spikes trying to hack the security system because I kept thinking about what we could do with those straps of his. Heh, I wonder ... if I bat my eyelashes, would Carth join in? I'll tell you what, _that_ Mandalorian can assault _my_ Republic anytime he wants.


	2. Chapter 2: Dantooine

[1]  
>So, this great Council calls me in simply to talk <em>around<em> me, and then send me away. Fantastic. I also take it back - Bastila isn't the most obnoxious Jedi ever, because that title _clearly_ goes to Vrook, that condescending jackass.

[2]  
>They're training me as a Jedi, although I don't understand all the hand-wringing about how "difficult" these tasks are; they're cake. But ... never mind that, I'm trying to act how they say. "There is no emotion; there is peace." But ... why? Emotion is a natural part of existence. It seems that to cut it off is to cut off part of yourself. Something about that is nagging at my mind.<p>

[3]  
>I was selected to be a Guardian, and have a blue saber (which handily doubles as a light should I need to see in the dark). I've been tasked with clearing some mysterious "taint" from the grove near here. I'm also trying to help a few of the settlers. It's my duty, right? I mean, they can't help <em>themselves<em>.

But ... Canderous has said a few things that have made me wonder. Is helping the weak merely prolonging a terrible existence? I mean, obviously, children don't factor into this, but ... like the man who couldn't protect his daughter from the Mandalorian raiders. If I help them now, then they'll grow to rely on that help, and will simply run into problems later.

That doesn't really seem right, either, though. Wasn't that the problem with the Jedi's lack of involvement in the Mandalore Wars? People needed help, and they didn't help them. But did the help given leave them in the lurch after? Would it simply serve to weaken them further?

All this goes against the teachings I'm attempting to live by, though. Mentioning_ that_ fact got me an eyeroll from Canderous, but he rolls his eyes at everyone, so whatever. It's okay, I'll get him back when we play pazaak tonight.

[4]  
>The "taint" turned out to be a Cathar padawan named Juhani. I talked her into going back to the Council. It's ... pretty easy for me to convince people to see things my way. It's come in handy more than once, that's for sure. It also comes, usually, with Carth or Bastila's disapproval, but I really think Bastila just disapproves of me in general, so no change there.<p>

Sadly, this persuasive ability hasn't worked on getting either Carth or Canderous into my bunk, haha. But I'm not_ really_ trying. Yet.

Something about the Cathar is pinging a memory I can't quite recall. It's like ... when I try to focus on it, it skitters away. But I know I've never met her before, so ... what can it be?

[5]  
>Canderous is <em>sixty<em>? Damn, he's looking _good_ for sixty.

[6]  
>Carth thinks I'm "infuriating" and won't talk to me, but the Mandalorian tells me war stories, so this long slog around the fields hasn't been a total loss. How many damn kath hounds can there <em>be<em> in one area?

[7]  
>We found that lady's droid today. That woman is <em>nuts<em>. Dispatched the droid; told the woman the droid is still alive. The fool ran out into the plains, which prompted Carth to call me cruel. I didn't know she was going to take off after the hunk of junk, but seriously, if the fact kath hounds could _eat you_ is not enough to dissuade you, then I think I did the galaxy a favor. Maybe you can't save people from their own idiocy.

... While we were out there, I ... I summoned lightning. I don't know how, or where it came from. It just _happened_. This is supposed to be a dark side power. Should I mention it to the Council? No, I better not; Vrook would have me executed before I could finish my sentence.

[8]  
>Oh gods, kinrath eggs <em>smell<em>. But I got crystals! And the lightning is proving most helpful. Carth just glares at me when I use it, but I don't hear him complaining when the kinrath drop like a sack of rocks.

[9]  
>Came upon a Mandalorian and his Duros thugs. They killed a man, and then were going to take his family. I was happy to swing my lightsaber at his head; I smiled as I loosed a bolt of electricity at him. And I rejoiced as they fell.<p>

I know this is wrong. But what do I do, grieve for the murdering scum? Jedi are supposed to be a force for justice! Yet so many of their teachings hamper the ability to serve that justice. Is the Light inherently weak?

No, I don't think that's it. But it seems to lack the drive to accomplish its goals. How do I defend the helpless if they take away my tools to do so? How do I form a connection with those I serve if I'm supposed to lock away part of myself, eliminating my ability to form a connection with them?

[10]  
>Saw Juhani when we came back to the enclave; the Council has welcomed her back. Apparently everything she did was a test from her master. That seems really emotionally manipulative to me. Both Carth and Canderous really seemed to disapprove.<p>

I'm a padawan! Now to try to live up to what I've been taught. Maybe Bastila and I will get along better. I do think Revan did the right thing, though, stepping into the Mandalorian Wars. The Council wasn't very happy when I said that, but ... to not say it would have been dishonest, right?

[11]  
>Tried to get two thousand credits out of Matale when we went over there. Failed, but hey, nothing ventured nothing gained, right? Got the two lovebirds together, and united the fathers in their annoyance at me. All around, a successful outing. Now to go find the ruins.<p>

[12]  
>Something about these ruins is <em>so<em> familiar. Maybe it's just because of the dream. Vision. Whatever. It looks like Bastila and Canderous are done with lunch, so ... more later.

[13]  
>I was ... hesitant to enter the ruins at first. What would I find? Had Revan and Malak left traps?<p>

After Bastila proved - again - that she's a total know-it-all, we spoke with the Overseer, an ancient droid; it told us of the Builders, and the Star Forge, and Revan and Malak's visit. We passed the tests, although let me tell you, those guardian droids were no joke. I'm glad I'd practiced the healing arts before coming out here, because that really saved our skins a couple of times.

Bastila postulated that this was where Revan began her turn to the dark side. I think it's ridiculous to ascribe such ... abilities to a map. Yet despite the fact that she thinks it led to the dark side, she wants to follow Revan's trail and find the others? Interesting logic there. We told the Council, and the Council also wants us to chase these things down. As the choice of the first stop is left to me, I think we'll go to ... Kashyyyk. I'm trying to let the Force guide me, and this is the location that came to mind first. I can't explain why; it just seems the best place to start. We depart tomorrow.

[14]  
>On the Ebon Hawk. Right as I walked into the cockpit, Carth decided to jump all over me (and not in a fun way). Apparently he feels I'm purposely leaving him out, in order to make my future betrayal that much easier, or something. Whatever. It's really fun to just ... poke at him, because he gets really flustered. I think there might actually be a personality there under all that angry mistrust. Beat Mission at pazaak, but Canderous took a hundred credits off me tonight, the punk. Tried talking with Zaalbar, but he was having none of it. Perhaps being able to see his homeworld again will make him feel better?<p> 


	3. Chapter 3: Kashyyyk

[1]  
>Fucking Czerka. Man, I hate those guys. They come onto a planet, rename it, start a slaving business, and don't even bother to learn the native language. Where is the Republic in all this?<p>

Ah well, I used Zaalbar to intimidate one of their flunkies today; look, if you're too lazy to learn rudimentary Shryiwook, then you deserve to be terrified. Zaalbar wasn't too happy about me ... stretching the truth about what he was saying, but the Czerka guy wet himself. Good times were had by all. Or, at least, good times were had by me.

[2]  
>Kashyyyk is very pretty; I love the treetop villages and the sounds of the forest. I think Chuundar's an ass, and I hate how he treats Zaalbar, and I don't understand how his tribe is fine with him working with slavers. I plan on taking care of <em>that <em>particular problem before we leave here.

[3]  
>Calo Nord tracked us to Kashyyyk, and promptly went down like a punk, just like those lackeys of Malak that found us as we headed for the village. And here I used to think Nord was some kind of bigshot.<p>

The Shadowlands ... aren't what I expected. It's humbling to be such a small creature among such massive trees. I can understand why someone would have hidden a star map here. These little monkey things, though ... they are so obnoxious! Can't they be quiet for five minutes?

[4]  
>Met a man named Jolee Bindo. He's been living down here. Alone. Crazy! He's not <em>quite<em> as preachy as other Jedi I've met, but ... I don't know, maybe it's something about the Light that makes people become totally patronizing. He's requested our assistance (big surprise), but that assistance is going to harass Czerka, so I'm totally up for it. He says he wants them dealt with without violence but ... I won't be sorry if it comes to a fight. I can't believe the Republic lets slavery go on. It _has_ to know.

Juhani and I talked about her world, and the Mandalorian invasion, and the plight of non-human species in the Republic. You'd think, being that they supposedly stand for right and justice, the Republic and the Jedi would do something about that.

[5]  
>Had to kill off the Czerka guys, oh no I'm so sad about that, really. Jolee wasn't too happy, and I was totally expecting a lecture, but all he said was that I have to live with what I do.<p>

And that makes me wonder. What _am_ I willing to do? Where do I draw my lines? I have no problem tearing down those that are wrong, but ... who decides right and wrong? I mean, obviously, slavery is wrong. It flies in the face of everything the Republic is supposed to stand for - as long as you overlook its bloated governance and its seeming inability to get anything done in a timely manner. But the _principles_ on which it was founded; they clearly state that this kind of thing shouldn't happen. So, is murder, in the name of justice, right? Or is murder always wrong, no matter the circumstance?

"A good teacher doesn't mash a book in a student's face shouting 'learn this bit here!'." I like how Jolee thinks. He ought to give that Council on Dantooine lessons.

[6]  
>Something Bastila said earlier links back to my previous entry: "No one deserves execution." So, the Jedi would ... politely ask Malak to please stop slaughtering people? If they had him, what would they do? I suppose they could lock him in a room with Vrook and he could lecture Malak to death, haha.<p>

A lot of their doctrine ... I don't know, it seems like they're just running from how life is. It isn't something you can learn in books. It isn't something that will make sense from studying holodisks. And now I learn from Bastila that the Order takes children, and cuts them off from their families, and then preaches a life of no emotion! What kind of life is that, and how does severing a child from their sense of security make them a better Jedi? Who came up with this? You're not allowed "emotional entanglement". You're not allowed to love - or if you _do_ love, you get told to tamp it down and hope that spark goes away. I suppose I'm not supposed to lust after Canderous (... and Carth, to an extent) either, right? Well forget _that_, no way am I passing that up if the opportunity arises. ("Opportunity _arises_", ha. That's great. I'm hilarious.)

I suppose all these doubts are the dark side, working at my mind. At least, that's what they'd tell me.

[7]  
>We found the star map, which is the good news.<p>

When we found it, the hologrammatic interface "recognized" me, but said that I needed "behavioral reconstruction", whatever_ that_ is. What is it talking about? How could it recognize me, when I've never been here before?

It said the installer of the interface did so 5 years ago, in order to more easily access information that apparently pre-dates the Republic. Five years ago was ... about when Revan came through here. Could they be linked? We're taught that there are no coincidences, only the Force, so ... I can see how those might be related, but how would the installer then know me? That's the part that's really confusing me.

The installer made me take a behavior _quiz_. That's right, we're in the Shadowlands and I'm getting quizzed about myself by a hologram. I bombed that quiz, by the way. And then we got attacked by droids. I figured that was it, but then the hologram came back on and said that my behavior in combat passed the test! I asked what it meant, and it refused to clarify. Great. Glad that could get cleared up. But we got the star map, so hey, win-win all around. According to Jolee, it's an "ancient artifact of dark side power," but since the Council didn't know anything about the Star Forge or the maps, I'm thinking that the Jedi just assume everything they don't know about is the dark side. I mean, come on, it's a _map_. Give me a break.

[8]  
>We met and are helping Freyyr, Zaalbar's father. Of course,<em> he<em> needs something, too, because apparently this whole galaxy is full of people who can't do things for themselves. But we've taken out a whole patrol of Mandalorians, and killed the biggest beast I've ever seen in my life, aside from rancors. We're on our way back to Freyyr, and I'm going to read this datapad I found in the thing's stomach.

[9]  
>The datapad belonged to a Jedi named Guun Han. It appears we killed a terentatek, the Jedi-hunting beast the Twi'lek warned me about back on Dantooine. This Han guy sounds like a real ass, leaving his other two teammates on Korriban and thinking he could kill this one alone. Guess that worked out really well for you, buddy, seeing as how I retrieved your crap out of the terentatek's stomach, right? I wonder if the other two fared better.<p>

[10]  
>Back on the Hawk. We got attacked trying to get topside, which doesn't really surprise me. We stood with Freyyr against Chuundar and his slaver buddies, and ... now the Wookiees have to sort out their own business.<p>

As we were walking back to the ship, Bastila said something very interesting: "What greater victory, than to turn your enemy to your cause?" It's pretty strategically sound, for the most part. Your new ally will know all of your enemy's strengths and weaknesses. Their devotion to your cause - if it is something ideological - will likely be strong. For a time. But such easy loyalty bears close watching, because such shifting anchors are not reliable. Will it last? Are they planning to betray you? Is it genuine? I suppose it would depend on the manner of how they were turned. If by force, it won't be as solid as it would be if you talked them around to seeing things your way, and then they made the conscious decision to follow you. It's all in how you make the play.

She also commended me for my devotion to the Light, and I didn't say anything then, but ... she does not truly see my heart - or does not truly follow all the Order's teachings - if she thinks that is the case. She doesn't see the the way I use my feelings for certain people - slavers, for instance - to bring more power to bear against them. She doesn't see the thrill I get from outmaneuvering an enemy, exploiting a tactical advantage on my part or a weakness on theirs.

But perhaps these are not of the dark side? Well, other than the emotion bit, but I'm really starting to think the Order is misguided on_ that_ particular point. I shall have to think on it.

Carth apologized for being an ass, and he made me laugh. I like that in a man. And I like his personality more the more I see it. But he told me about how his mentor bombed his planet, and killed his wife and son. I sort of feel like a jerk for giving him so much crap lately. I'll have to dial it down, at least for awhile.

Canderous told me more of the Republic's fight against the Mandalorians. He has such disdain for the Republic, but so much admiration for Revan. It's interesting. His points on combat and warfare are something I'll have to consider further. I told him about the hologrammatic interface's questions regarding combat and leadership; he seemed to approve of how I'd answered them. One asked me what I would do if I knew that the enemy force was going to attack a city in five days, but I _also_ knew that I could exploit a weakness in the force and turn the entire tide of war in ten days. I had to think about it, but ... the needs of the many are greater than the needs of the few, and if I were to fortify the planet, it would tip off the enemy. Waiting the ten days means that that city is sacrificed, but the war ends sooner, and with less bloodshed. In war, sacrifice must be made. It isn't a desirable state of things, but it is how things are.

The second presented a hypothetical situation, in which I am a leader of a people that have grown complacent and not mindful of why they need a strong leader. I learn of a single attack on a city. Should I cut it off early and appear to be a hero, or let them attack? I chose to let them attack, because to stop the attack will simply continue the cycle of complacency. I would eventually be ousted as a leader, and they would put a less effective one in my place. Allowing one attack will remind them of the strength a leader needs to have.

I answered those questions instinctively, but now that I've had time to think about it, I can't help but second-guess myself. I wonder if I'd be doing so if I didn't have the teachings of the Jedi, because those are what I'm running up against.

Zaalbar is continuing to travel with us; I was surprised, because I thought he'd remain behind on Kashyyyk to help his tribe rebuild. He says he feels that this is his place for now, and perhaps traveling with us will give him skills for when he is the chieftain. I feel it's my duty to present an example of what a leader can be, since I'm apparently the nominal head of this circus.

Juhani cornered me and yelled at me for the destruction of Taris. I can't really blame her, although I feel her anger is misplaced. She seemed to feel better after her angry outburst, and that's good. It's better to have these things in the open, rather than festering in the shadows, or locked away.

Bastila got all snappish tonight. It's really, really easy to yank her chain. And it's really, really fun to do so. I know, I know, that's justterrible, but it's true.

We're on the way to Tatooine, and I really have to win our pazaak game tonight, because I'm extraordinarily tired of having to listen to Canderous gloat. I swear he cheats.


End file.
